Defiance!

I know that it is a natural and important aspect of development. I have read the books. I recognize that my 2.5 year old son(nickname Rabbit) is exercising his independence, and I love and celebrate that he has such a strong sense of self and space and will. Except when we are running late for a doctor's appointment and he has thrown his shoes behind the couch. Or when it is time for a diaper change and he runs away, laughing. Or when we are out for a walk around the block and he wiggles free of my hand, running away even though he knows(HE KNOWS!) that running away on the sidewalk/street is our Number One Rule not to break. Some of these things I have found small, workable solutions for: the running away thing is solved by--sadly--strapping him into a stroller/wagon for everywhere we go...sigh. (I am currently 36 weeks along in a tough pregnancy, so chasing him is not really an option.) But it is like putting socks on an octopus to get him to do simple things like get out the door, or eat dinner without spitting out milk for comic effect, or throwing toys at the cats.

Any advice? We have used "time-out" as well as the "toy time-out," with mixed results. I know I shouldn't try to reason with him, and I know that I need to keep my emotions in check so that he doesn't know that he is on my last nerve, but gosh, it is SOOOO hard to maintain a Good Mama demeanor in the face of outrageous defiance. As we have a new baby joining us soon, I am especially eager for some suggestions on how to keep order and peace in the house. I have a feeling that, whereas Rabbit is excited to welcome his new brother, he will undoubtedly act out as the attention he used to command gets reduced/shared.

So when he turns three, this defiant behavior stops, right?? Or is it when he turns 22?