I know that it is a natural and important aspect of development. I have read the books. I recognize that my 2.5 year old son(nickname Rabbit) is exercising his independence, and I love and celebrate that he has such a strong sense of self and space and will. Except when we are running late for a doctor's appointment and he has thrown his shoes behind the couch. Or when it is time for a diaper change and he runs away, laughing. Or when we are out for a walk around the block and he wiggles free of my hand, running away even though he knows(HE KNOWS!) that running away on the sidewalk/street is our Number One Rule not to break. Some of these things I have found small, workable solutions for: the running away thing is solved by--sadly--strapping him into a stroller/wagon for everywhere we go...sigh. (I am currently 36 weeks along in a tough pregnancy, so chasing him is not really an option.) But it is like putting socks on an octopus to get him to do simple things like get out the door, or eat dinner without spitting out milk for comic effect, or throwing toys at the cats.
Any advice? We have used "time-out" as well as the "toy time-out," with mixed results. I know I shouldn't try to reason with him, and I know that I need to keep my emotions in check so that he doesn't know that he is on my last nerve, but gosh, it is SOOOO hard to maintain a Good Mama demeanor in the face of outrageous defiance. As we have a new baby joining us soon, I am especially eager for some suggestions on how to keep order and peace in the house. I have a feeling that, whereas Rabbit is excited to welcome his new brother, he will undoubtedly act out as the attention he used to command gets reduced/shared.
So when he turns three, this defiant behavior stops, right?? Or is it when he turns 22?
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I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are going through. My son was two when I had my second child and at about 35 weeks or so the things that I could easily deal with had become my worst nightmare.
I was becoming a crazed, terrible mother. How would I ever handle two?
I can assure you that you will be fine! Just before I had my newborn, my husband and I were so frustrated with the same type of behaviors you mention above.
We purchased a book - 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
by Thomas W. Phelan
We don't do everything the book suggests, but the main premise is to give the child a warning and then count him if he does not listen - THEN FOLLOW THROUGH which is the tough part.
I have to tell you, it's the best thing I've read out there and it works.
Take it easy and best of luck with your remaining weeks of pregnanacy.
-Mary
I have similar problems with my almost 3-year old. Her behavior issues really kicked in when her baby brother arrived in May. I started reading The Happiest Toddler On the Block - by Harvey Karp - recently. I am only about 1/3 of the way through and some of the methods make me feel ridiculous but honestly have worked to some degree. You basically talk to your little caveman (Karp's term) on his level. It is interesting! I will post a final review if I ever get to finish it! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI don't have any overall recommendations on how to deal with the general defiance, although we've definitely dealt with it, especially the meal time issues (spitting of milk and dropping food for a reaction). We tried a lot of different things and what ended up working for us (and I do believe different kids need different things) was trying not to give her a big reaction positive or negative. Just take the cup or plate away, say that is not ok, we do not do X behavior and dinner is over. Recently, I realized Mia does not respond well to a raised voice or quick, forceful reaction to bad behavior. For example, she threw something and I immediately reacted with a loud "No, we do not throw." and she yelled back at me "No, mommy, no." I lowered my voice and became calm and said, "we do not throw because someone could get hurt" and she said she was sorry. Again, I know it isn't that easy, but I found that any kind of raised voice or forceful time out just eggs her on (we are not great parents and can't quite figure out how to make time outs work anyway!!). Now, when she does something dangerous, that is another story. She ran out into the street and I was very loud, forceful and stern and she got the message.
ReplyDeleteOne other thing I just thought of. We have a Bernstein Bears book about telling the truth, but in the book they talk about the house rules (no playing ball in the house). The point of the book is that the bears lie about playing ball in the house, but for some reason Mia focuses on the house rules. So we now have some house rules and if she breaks one I refer back to the book and she responds really well to that, better than if I just say we don't do that or it isn't ok. Good luck. I know with the baby coming it is going to be tough (trust me, I know), but I found that we go through waves with the defiance and hopefully he will get over it soon!!