In the world of sleep, this is not a serious issue, but I do need some advice before it becomes a real issue.
What do I do when my toddler is starting to create excuses not to go to bed? She seems tired, but is trying to come out of her room (never did that before), calls for us and says things like "I needed to give you two hugs and two kisses and I only got one" or "I didn't get any medicine" (because she isn't taking medicine) or "I need a tissue."
It is taking her more than an hour to go to sleep each night. That is not unusual, but it used to be talking or singing, not coming out of her room and crying.
Do we ignore her? Go in and talk to her? If we go in, what should we say? Right now we read to her before bed. Should we let her look at a book in bed to continue the 'unwinding' process or will that just delay sleep even further.
Thoughts? Anyone have experience with this?
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Do I have experience with this? Ha! About 8 years' worth...We've had similar incantations with each kid. For the boys we had some success with posting a paper in their room with "sleep rules" and corresponding pictures before they could read. It went something like this: At bedtime, we: 1. Stay in our beds. 2. Stay very quiet. 3. Close our eyes and go to sleep. With Ella, we've had some success with letting her read books on her own for a few minutes to wind down. But I really think that you have to put a limit on it and explain that even if she doesn't feel tired right now, it's time to stay in her room and in her bed and settle down and she'll feel tired soon. You can even set up some kind of reward system (stickers, etc) for following the "sleep rules". Some of it may be due to separation anxiety, and we've also had success with letting them keep their door "cracked" so they can hear/see us moving around but if they can't settle down and stay in bed the door gets closed. Hope something works - every kid is different, and it's not easy to reason with a 2 year old. It will pass if you stay firm but loving! Or as loving as you can get when you're exhausted and JUST WANT SOME PEACE!
ReplyDeleteLisa - Great suggestions, thank you. I do think with us some of it has to do with separation anxiety. Good call. It really started after our trip where Mia slept with me for the last week or so. Some of it probably has to do with Anna, knowing that she "gets" to sleep in our room or closet to be more accurate (it is a big closet people, you don't need to call CPS). I think during the trip she also realized for the first time, that things were still going on after she went to bed. We are on day 2 of trying to let her "read" a book on her own to let her wind down - we'll see if it works. She just gets up SO early (before 6:00 am often) that to extend her bed time by an hour or two doesn't leave her with enough sleep.
ReplyDeleteWe went through the same thing. We created a sticker chart and gave decent toys for staying in bed the whole night. Cal was getting up in the middle of the night and coming into our room too. The sticker chart worked really well, then it went to 10 days in a row get a toy. Now, we've modified it so that if he stays in bed the night before, puts toys away, brushes teeth, attempts to put pj's on himself, then he gets an extra book read to him. And we aren't doing it on a sticker chart.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't get his extra book last night because he wouldn't pick up his toys (after being asked 10,000 times). He was a little upset, but i told him he can try again the next night. He mentioned trying for his extra book when he woke up this morning. :) It seems to really motivate him to get everything done and helps with chasing him around to complete each task.
Good luck with the book in bed. That's a great idea, glad it's working!!
Johanna
oh, we leave the door open for him now too. And he usually askes what we are going to do after he goes to sleep and we tell him laundry, dishes, etc. He's usually pretty happy with that answer and stays in bed.
ReplyDeleteWe have a big, long, and involved "going to bed" ritual that our 2.5 year old responds well to, at least for now! He will still act up and jump around at the closing ceremony(so to speak), but we just ignore that and shut the door and go downstairs(and listen to him settle in on the baby monitor). Here is our ritual:
ReplyDelete1)after dinner, put away toys
2)brush teeth(and get a sticker for good brushing)
3)use potty(more of an idea at this point then a practical exercise)
4)bath or shower
5)put on pj's
6)pick out book and read it
7)lights off
8)sing song
9)tuck and kisses(sometimes we have a whisper-chat about the fun things we did that day)
By the time we are done with all of this, Rabbit is pretty much settled in. Again, if not, we just act like he is and leave him in his darkened room with words of love and nighty night and he settles down by himself.
It will be interesting to see how this all changes when our second child comes along( in +/- 4 weeks). I will be sure to check back!
btw, I should add that when Rabbit's current spate of defiance started up(I will post about that, seeking advice, shortly), we considered removing "read a book" or "sing a song" from the ritual as a consequence of not listening to us. It never felt right.... If Rabbit is REALLY defiant at bedtime("No bath!" "No brushing!" or jumping off the walls 15 minutes after lights out)then we usually tell him that a second or third tier toy(you know the toys I mean---not the Most Favored, but one of the others in the battalion that usually come to bed) will have to go to "toy time-out." This usually works....
ReplyDeleteWe are dealing with the same situation with Jack. He gets up over and over. He knows that the only valid reason to get out of bed is to use the potty. But he still finds reasons to get up. The latest is that his pillow somehow comes completely out of the pillowcase.
ReplyDeleteAfter he gets up the first time, we tell him to get back in bed and say goodnight. Anytime after that, we don't talk to him, don't really make eyecontact and just walk him back into bed. This is sometimes met with screams, but for the most part he willingly settles back in.
Of course, every kid is different! Good luck with the bedtime struggles!
Hey Julie--you are quite familiar with our 4 year old sleep-resister, and for the longest time she has taken a full 2 hours to settle to sleep, despite our best efforts to change it. Life got MUCH easier for us when we stopped fighting it and just let her read for a while first--we just adjusted her bedtime to accomodate the reading and settle down time.
ReplyDeleteSome things that have helped with the stalling have been: give her a set number of times she can come out (and possibly adjust the initial bedtime to compensate). Addy had a stretch there where she always had to go to the bathroom one last time before going to sleep. It may have been legit, but I suspect she found one of the loopholes--how can we tell her she can't go to the bathroom?? So we finally limited her to 2 trips out of bed per night, and then she was out of luck. One was usually for the bathroom, and the other was for water, one more hug, what have you. For a while she used those 2 visits EVERY night. Then the novelty finally wore off and she started only coming out if she really needed to (for the most part--we still occassionally get the "what are you guys doing? visit").
Lisa's trick of leaving the door cracked as motivation to stay in bed has helped us too, as has trying to be as low key about responding as possible. Any time she senses annoyance on our parts, the stalling and resistance intensify.
Another trick I've read about elsewhere is giving your kid one of each type of coin: 1c, 5c, 10c, 25c. Each time they get up or call you in, they have to pay out a coin. Any coins they still have by morning can go into their piggy bank. We haven't resorted to this one yet, but what I like about it is that it gives the kid a sense of control, and it is positive rather than punitive; they are 'paying' their coins, rather than 'losing'some type of reward.
Good luck--be sure to let us know what works!